


Salty and Bitter (No I'm Not Talking About Cum)

by GreetingsFromThePunderworld



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bitter, Blame The Little Fedora Man, Intoxicated Gerard, M/M, Salty, copious amounts of alcohols, crack!fic, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreetingsFromThePunderworld/pseuds/GreetingsFromThePunderworld
Summary: Frank shook Gerard who's eyes were slightly glazed over. "Are you high? Did Mikey leave you unattended with a working computer again? Dammit Mikey!""Blame the little fedora man." Gerard slurred then broke into a fit of giggles."Stump is a dead man you hear me? He. Is. Dead."  Basically Patrick got Gerard drunk at a little shindig if his and introduced him to Urban Dictionary. Frank has to deal with the aftermath.





	

**Author's Note:**

> http://www.urbandictionary.com/
> 
> bitter  
> To be perpetually pissed off.  
> He's so bitter all the damn time.  
> #bitter #pissed #angry #mad #furstrated
> 
> salty  
> pissed, upset  
> She was salty because she lost the game.
> 
> My sister was saying these words ironically and i got inspiration.

Frank walked into the apartment he shared with Gerard shutting the door lightly behind him.

 

"Eyy, Frank is that you?" Gerard questioned loudly from the living room.

 

"Yeah its me." Frank shouted back, kicking off his shoes.

 

"What the hell." Frank choked as he glanced at Gerard sprawled on the couch, watching an infomercial like it was a manifestation of god himself. 

Frank dropped what he had just gotten from the gas station and walked over to the rather loopy man whom was laughing uncontrollably at what was playing on their small t.v. screen.

Frank lightly shook Gerard who's eyes were slightly glazed over. "Are you high? Did Mikey leave you unattended with a working computer again? Dammit Mikey!"

"Blame the little fedora man." Gerard slurred then breaking into a fit of giggles.

"Stump is a dead man you hear me? He. Is. Dead." Frank knew Gerard had been at a party, but Ray, Mikey and Bob were all there so he didn't expect Gerard to get this buzzed.

"Frank, arrr you bitter? Oh no no, wait. Does Patty have you salty. pfft." Gerard broke off into another fit of uncontained giggles.

 

"Salty and Bitter? Are you talking about last night?" Frank rose an eyebrow at the redhead that was still choking on his laughter. "Just sit tight, I'll be back in a second." Frank left to get Gerard a cup of coffee and to interrogate Patrick. 

"Haaay Frank! Wassup?" Patrick slurred sounding equally, if not more, intoxicated than Gerard.

 

"Patrick, I don't want to deal with your bullshit right now. How many drinks did Gerard have?"

 

"I don know, " Patrick paused for a second. "Mahybe like three or four, yeah, yeah it was definitely six."

 

Frank mentally facepalmed . "Is Mikey there?"

 

"Naw dawg. He dropped off Gee-rard like... A looong time ago" Patrick answered lazily.

 

"Patrick. Hey Patrick, I need you to do me a huge favor. Okay? Shoot Me. Shoot me with a mutherfuckin hammer." Frank cut off the phone call abruptly.

 

After making the coffee Frank carried two cups back to the small living room.

 

"Hay, Frank..." Gerard asked his head lolling to the side slightly.

 

"What Gee?"

 

"Billie Mays here!" Gerard burst out no doubt infatuated with to archaic oxi-clean commercial that was playing out on the t.v. 

"I'm gonna kill that midget."

 

"Hay frank?"

 

Frank sighed again. "What?"

 

"But wait! There's more." Gerard continued cackling face turning an obscene shade of red.

 

Drunk Gerard is pretty funny, but also really, really thrust-trating.

 

"Bro, I don't feel to good, Dude." Gerard began to sat up and then fell back down in another fit of giggles. "DudeBro! pfft."

 

Frank sighed once again shaking his head whilst wondering where all these stupid references from the deep web were coming from.

 

"Frank you look a like your on the..." Gerard sounded very serious but a smile broke through his poorly worn front. "On the Struggle Bus."

 

Another sigh from Frank.

 

Gerard lifted his cup of coffee to his nose and inhaled. "Why does the cat smell like bleach?"

 

"Are you sure alcohol is the only thing Patrick gave you?"

 

"Oh yeh. I'm a hundred cents sure. He went dankrupt 'for I got there." Gerard hiccuped and actually drank some coffee.

 

"What the hell is wrong with you. I know your drunk but shit dude, this is pretty damn bad." Frank questioned not expecting a real answer, if one at all. 

 

Frank decided to text Mikey to see if he knew what the actual fuck was going on with Gerard.

 

Mikey responded to this question with 'Oh yeah, Patrick showed him the Urban Dictionary.'

 

"Fuck me..." Frank groaned.

 

Gerard's head shot up. "Gladly!"

 

"We are not screwing while you are this hammered." Frank interjected.

 

"Fine." Gerard answered defeated. "I'm sooo tired..." 

 

Frank could actually see the energy draining from Gerard as he fell asleep.

 

"Finally." Frank sighed once again and picked up the half empty cup of joe his roommate left on the side table.

 

Gerard let out a startling grunt while he slept. Frank jumped and the two cups he had been holding were now broken, on the floor in a mess and Gerard was wide awake again rambling on about the oxi-clean commercial that was still playing on the fucking t.v.

 

"I want to drink some oxi-clean right about now." The exasperated man knelt down to pick up the shards of broken glass.

 

"Frank don't be bitter." the shorter man rolled his eyes like a brazen teenager.

 

Frank looked up towards the ceiling grumbling, "Little Fedora Man better thank his lucky motherfucking stars if he lives to see tomorrow."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
> 
> Hope it wasn't too awful.
> 
>  
> 
> According to all known laws  
> of aviation,
> 
> there is no way a bee  
> should be able to fly.
> 
> Its wings are too small to get  
> its fat little body off the ground.
> 
> The bee, of course, flies anyway
> 
> because bees don't care  
> what humans think is impossible.
> 
> Yellow, black. Yellow, black.  
> Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
> 
> Ooh, black and yellow!  
> Let's shake it up a little.
> 
> Barry! Breakfast is ready!
> 
> Ooming!
> 
> Hang on a second.
> 
> Hello?
> 
> \- Barry?  
> \- Adam?
> 
> \- Oan you believe this is happening?  
> \- I can't. I'll pick you up.
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry I'll stop it here :(


End file.
